Pregnancy #3 Peace

So I generally feel a little uncomfortable writing about my pregnancies. But I have been asked multiple times why I don't blog about it. I usually don't have a good answer. I usually just say, "Everyone blogs about their pregnancies". 

While that may be true, as a doula I find myself reminding my clients that every pregnancy can be different. 

Eating my words is how I get nourishment through my days, especially while pregnant. 

 

So:

This pregnancy started like my others. 

Dizziness and shortness of breath. 

It's crazy really. Before the pregnancy test, before the other obvious pregnancy signs, I start getting short of breath. Like going from walking/running miles uphill both ways and smiling, to standing up from the couch and feeling like I need an inhaler. 

Why is that? 

I usually chock it up to my body trying to grow a human. 

Yep, that usually does it. 

I took a test that evening (which isn't the BEST time to take it) and saw a small shadow of a line. It was sooooo faint. I wasn't even excited because I was so unsure of the result. I decided to wait a few days and take another. 

SIDE NOTE: You can purchase pregnancy tests for 60 cents to $1 that measure the same hormone that the $25 tests measure. 

A few days later the line was still faint so I texted the picture to my partner in crime, Cecelia, to see what she thought. (I suppose my partner in crime should be my husband, but, if you know my husband, you'd know how silly he thinks I am with my "crimes".) 

She was very certain the line was positive, while I still remained in doubt. 

A week later the tables turned and she was the one uncertain about a faint line. :)

So I was pregnant. It was true. How was I so sure? 

A week later I couldn't keep food down. I couldn't keep water down. I was either pregnant or on the verge of death. 

Now, some women glow through pregnancy and seem to float in the clouds with tiny pink and blue baby clouds floating next to them. 

Not me.

Not a lot of moms I know. 

We tend to sink like a rock next to the porcelain throne only moving to roll to the couch. 

There's no floating here. 

I feel terrible for my family, especially my husband. Cooking is NOT an option. Laundry gets amazingly behind. Cleaning gets eliminated completely. Moving and breathing is hard enough.

This continues well beyond the magical *12 weeks* of which many books speak. I'm still battling the pukes at 23 weeks, just on a much smaller, less dramatic scale. 

I was thrilled to be pregnant. But I knew the first two trimesters would be hard with two munchkins running around. 

Now, I don't get worried about much during my pregnancies. I get sick, yes, but I know many women who have increased anxiety and depression while pregnant. Thankfully, I don't battle that. But there was one thing this pregnancy that had me rattled. 

This is the story:

I was at the doctor for my daughter's appointment (we see a family doctor who treats me as well as my children). I had been to see him the previous week for my OB appointment and had standard blood work done. My doctor finished my daughter's appointment and then looked at me kinda funny. He pulled out some papers and said he needed to tell me something that wasn't easy to talk about. 

I had an ultrasound the week before and I saw that my placenta was covering my cervix which, later in pregnancy is considered placenta previa and warrants a Caesarian section. (This is no longer a concern as the placenta is now a decent distance from the cervix) I figured this was what he was wanted to talk about. What he said next floored me. 

"You have tested positive for HIV."

......

.........

"I'm sorry, what?!"

"Because I know you and your lifestyle, we are going to do more tests. It came as quite a shock to me."

"I'm sorry, what?!"

As a monogamous, sober, stay at home mom, this was THE LAST thing I was expecting to hear. I'm not exactly in the high rick catagory and I was negative with my previous pregnancies. 

 I asked where I could have possibly gotten it. I do attend births and had possibly come in contact with fluids but none of my clients had been HIV positive as far as I knew. 

Toilet seat? 

The Ohio River?

 I was baffled. 

 He had me do more blood work and ordered a more extensive, comprehensive test. The results would be back in a few days. 

You can imagine all of the things going through my head. What did this mean for my life? My kids' lives? My husband's life? How did this happen? If I was negative for my other pregnancies, when did it happen? I even worried about how people would perceive me. 

After two days the doctor's office called to say that the new test had come back negative. They were unsure of why the first test came back positive. I can tell you, my relief could have been weighed on a scale. 

Just one more reason to be thankful for a healthy pregnancy. 

WHEW!

I often feel lazy and worthless during my pregnancies and struggle with inefficiency and how it affects my family and those around me. 

Many women workout daily, eat very well, and take their vitamins regularly during pregnancy. I usually watch those women with my feet up, eating a cheeseburger while my kids watch a movie.  

While I do actually understand the importance of exercise and nutrition during pregnancy, it's much harder to put into action. I do yoga and walk during my pregnancies and try to get veggies in where I can. But, I also do a lot of sitting and eating out. 

Pregnancy is a beast of its own. Unlike anything else I've ever known, including the flu. 

I am truly amazed at the human body's ability to create another human from two simple cells. I stand in awe of the Creator's intent for the uterus. The collaboration of a woman's body functions and the baby's growth and development. 

I am in love with the kicks and punches that come from my growing belly. Even when they are directed toward my ever full bladder. Or when they happen at night. I am not really one to complain about the baby keeping me up by kicking when I want to sleep. Obviously, the baby is not intentionally keeping me awake and those movements are crucial to development. I'm thankful. I'll place my hand on the baby and feel peace and relief knowing my baby is still moving and growing. 

Our sweet little boy is doing so much developing. I often have to remind myself, it's OKAY to rest when I'm tired. If I need to put on a movie for my kids while I rest on the couch, it's OKAY. If my options are nap or laundry, napping should be first. This body is made to nap. To rest. To rejuvenate. It's also made to eat! Yea food! 

At 23 weeks pregnant with #3, I reflect on my first pregnancy and I think...What was I thinking?!

Not about getting pregnant, but about not napping. Not going to the movies more. Not going on more dates with my husband. Not walking around stores by myself just because I could.

If you are pregnant with #1 while reading this, I encourage you to get a pedicure. Go to the movies. Go places that aren't kid friendly. Go on dates with your baby daddy! But most of all, nap. Nap, my sweet, pregnant friend. 

I just want to encourage all of you pregnant mamas out there to be kind to yourselves. Don't be too harsh with yourself if you aren't able to run marathons or eat perfectly everyday. Be gracious and thankful for all of the wonderful things happening in your body. 

If you are a soon-to-be-daddy reading this, be generous toward your baby mama. Most likely she's giving herself a hard enough time. And talk to your baby. It warms a mama's heart and familiarizes baby with your voice. (They can hear you!)

Wishing everyone out there pregnacy peace and...Hair Peace! 

(I don't have medical issues. My babies have been very healthy so far. I am really, really blessed. I am so thankful for the blessing to get pregnant and stay pregnant. It really seems like a luxury anymore. There are so many women who struggle physically and especially emotionally with infertility or loss. My heart breaks in as many ways as it can for these women. I admire them for their strength and stamina. I was told it would be very unlikely that I would ever have children so I have a glimpse in to how some of these moms may feel. However, I cannot fully understand the pain as I did, in fact, have children.)

Beg, Borrow, and "Steel" Peace

Babies are expensive. 

Having babies is expensive. 

Those sweet, squishy, delicious babies have a heavy price tag around their little, yummy toes. 

So, as budgeting people, how do we afford our delicious bundles of joy? 

They usually don't cost anything to make. (wink wink)

But after conception, it's gets PRICEY. 

We add to our "eating out" budget when I get pregnant because I am worthless the first trimester and can't make toast without puking. 

You think I'm kidding. 

But I'm not. 

Worth. Less.

And then there's prenatal care. 

And vitamins. 

And maternity clothes. 

And baby prep.

And... And.... And....the baby's not even here yet!!! 

How on earth do budget conscious people have babies? Let alone more than one?? 

Here's how:

BEG, BORROW, and STEEL 

Let's start with Beg. 

Have a birthday coming up? Ask for onesies. 

Christmas while pregnant? Ask for diapers. (Don't be ashamed, people often enjoy buying you something you actually will use. Maybe it's a bit tacky, but so are ugly sweaters.)

 No special holidays while pregnant? Get on your knees and ask people for baby things.

I'm just kidding. 

(Or AM I?)

Now onto Borrow:

Having babies is a very common thing. It's a beautiful, miraculous, wonderful thing, but lots of people have babies. And those babies usually grow up and grow out of things. One thing about baby stuff is you can keep it for subsequent children but in between it just sits in storage. OR! It could be used! 

Most of the things I have for my children have also seen numerous other children. I am so grateful for the people in my life willing to lend us their kids clothes. 

Borrowing expensive luxury items like swings, bouncers, cribs, cradles, strollers, and the famous Bumbo seats can really save a great deal of money. It's nice to have a pretty, cohesive nursery but the baby truly just needs a few essential things. Focusing on such essential things can keep your money in your pocket and not in Babies R Us's pocket. They have deeeeeeeeep pockets. 

Which brings me to Steel: 

Steel??

 (Not S-T-E-A-L. I would never suggest you steal from others😄)

Steel. 

Steel will. 

Steel impulses.

 The ridiculously strong ability to NOT buy the $16 layette at the baby stores. 

Babies R Us is a bright shiny store with bright shiny things for our bright shining baby stars. 

Keep your wits about you, ladies, this place will suck you in and steal (that's STEAL not steel!) your money. 

A tough, strong-as-steel will can push you to resort to yard sales, thrift stores, and other moms' storage units and save a lot of money in the process. 

I try to remember these things when we get pregnant to keep us from spending our savings on, cute, non essential baby items. 

I find it helpful to consider the baby an addition to the already formed family and not the center of the family's world. This helps me to remember the needs of the family as a whole and what would benefit us emotionally, financially, and physically. That limits the importance I place on baby items and gives more weight to the amount of money I actually DO spend. 

So, moms, moms to be, ladies, dads, etc... I encourage you all to look through the heavy consumerism that surrounds the world of babies and focus on the essentials of your family. The whole family. Save money where you can. Put to use the many, MANY used baby items already out there. 

Wishing everyone out there Baby Spending Peace and...HAIR PEACE!! 

Garden Peace

With spring finally blossoming, I've managed to get excited about flowers and vegetables. 

Whoopty-do, right?

Wrong. 

I think every summer, "I'm not going to do a garden next year."

And then winter rolls around and all I wanna do is dig in the dirt in the springtime. 

I keep surprising myself with the motivation to do a garden come springtime. 

This year, I'm pregnant. 

Eek. 

It should be no big deal, but I manage to spend my first (and second) trimesters hugging the porcelain throne and then returning to my indent on the couch. It's a tough time for everyone in the family...especially my husband. The kitchen itself is a serious trigger as well as dirty diapers. That leaves my husband to pull a lot of extra weight around around house. 

Sooo...when I hit week 5 1/2 and the sickness started full force, I dismissed the idea of a garden completely. (As well as showering, standing, moving, breathing...)

Now, here we are at 13 weeks and I'm digging dirt out of my fingernails! 

With the beautiful sunshine and napping kiddos, I managed to plant lettuces, carrots, and radishes. 

A small garden but an enormous amount of gratefulness that I am feeling well enough to move let alone plant. 

Even planting a little lettuce in a planter on a sunny porch can make a little salad! 

You don't need to be a garden master to plant a few vegetables. 

I encourage everyone out there to plant something wonderful this week: vegetables, flowers, or even just a little peace in someone else's heart. 

Wishing everyone out there garden peace and....HAIR PEACE!! 

Soap Peace

Everytime I go to store to buy soap, I'm appalled at either the price or the ingredients. 

My skin hates me if I buy the wrong kind of soap. 

I make my own body wash from Dr Bronner's unscented bar soap, water, and glycerin, but sometimes I like a little scent. There are a lot of smells that go along with having small children in an old house...

That's actually a huge understatement. 

Small children. 

Old house. 

Hard working husband. 

Dog. 

So. Many. Smells. 

I like a little scent sometimes but buying commercial always frustrates me. So I like to buy local, handmade soap that have natural essential oils. 

There is a soap shop about 15 minutes from us that is DIVINE! Divine, but pricey. And rightly so. A good quality soap, with good quality ingredients takes effort, time, and money. 

How do I know this??

Well, my adventure buddy extraordinaire, Cecelia, and I embarked on, yet again, another crazy adventure in self sufficiency. 

I deeply cherish our friendship for many reasons. One reason is that she agrees to do crazy things and asks me to do crazy things. I most always say yes because I end up loving the craziness. 

So when Cecelia asked me if I want to make soap with lard we saved from the pigs we raised and slaughtered...(yes, THOSE kind of crazy things) of course, I said, "Yes".

Cecelia had been saving her wood ash from the very cold winter days with the bright hope of making amazing homemade lye. But after a serious effort producing little reward, we broke down and bought lye from the store to begin making our own soap. The wood ash idea hasn't died, just been temporarily postponed. 

Two pregnant women (yup both pregnant) with 5 kids (7 total if you count the belly babies) making soap for the first time...ever. 

That's just the way we do things. 

So we began. 

Homemade lard from the pigs we slaughtered ourselves, coconut oil, essential oils, water, lye, soap molds (one of which is a PVC pipe), gloves, stainless steel pots, and cinnamon tea for courage. 

After researching, Cecelia discovered the need to be very cautious with lye. It can be really harmful to skin, eyes, etc. It was a healthy fear that produced such pictures as this:

(Behind her is their beautiful orchard!)

And this:

Making the lye proved to be less eventful than we had originally anticipated, but the precautions were still necessary. And...we got in a hearty laugh or two. Or seven. 

So our first batch was the test. The test to see how we handled everything. The test to see if we could do it. Just...the test. We had low expectations. 

We made the lye, melted the lard and coconut oil, and began the cooking mixing process. 

And then...

Whoosh!! OUR SOAP STARTED BUBBLING OVER EVERYWHERE!!! 

Laughing and freaking out we moved the soap from the grill to the grass and tried to stir it down. 

It finally calmed down and our bewilderment lead to giggles and a drive to make the best of what we thought was a horrible situation. 

We kept going with the process, added essential oils, and made this:

Now THAT is a beautiful soap. It's eucalyptus and tea tree soap with Violet petals for eye appeal. 

We are very proud of the soap because we pushed on through a confusing and, what seemed to be, a bad situation.

We fed the kids and ourselves, put the little ones down for naps and made more soap. 

These are the little ones:

So cute :)

We made patouili and cedar wood soap and a rosemary salt soap, each double batches. And we did each batch a little more smoothly than the last. 

The soaps have a curing time of a few weeks so we can't use them right away, which is torture!!! They smell so good!!! 

I always enjoy trying new things, especially with good friends! 

I encourage you all to embark on your own crazy adventures and explore everything this life has to offer. 

Make things with friends! Hard work is often the most rewarding. 

Wishing everyone out there soap peace and...HAIR PEACE!! 

Chore-less Peace

My toddlers don't have chores.

Do I think chores are a bad thing? Absolutely not. 

So why don't my kids have them?

Because they do "chores" without knowing it. 

They have no idea that doing dishes is a chore. 

They don't understand that helping me fold laundry is a chore. 

They have no clue that throwing their trash away, picking up their toys, or wiping up their messes are chores. 

To them, it's just how it is. 

"It just happens," as my three year old would say. 

I think chore charts are genius. And I will probably use them later. But, for now, I'm just letting them "help" me. They can't read and a chore chart would be just one more thing to keep up. 

We give praise for listening and obeying if I ask them to do something, but they don't get rewards for helping out. Am I grateful? You bet! This mama doesn't care if if takes 7 hours to fold laundry if one day it takes 7 minutes. 

Why no rewards?

Life. 

Teaching our kids to do things to help out is important. But teaching them to help and not expect anything in return is vital. We live in a take take world. I want my kiddos to go against the grain and give give give. 

They'll be given a chance to earn wages in our home later in life. But for now, we're going to try and establish a helpful attitude. 

I want to teach hard work and appreciation. After those foundations are established, we may branch into chore charts. For now, we're going to focus on helping without receiving reward. Giving without expecting. And doing without the weight of chores. 

I am, by no means, an expert in parenting but this is the way we would like to do things for now. One thing I have learned is that our parenting is constantly evolving and adapting as our kids grow and change. Our family is very different from others and I try to remember that as I hear various parenting advice. 

I encourage you all to embrace the uniqueness of your families. I also encourage you to instill a giving attitude in your kids as I try to do the same for mine. Our world can always use a little more generosity. A little more kindness. And a little more peace. 

Wishing everyone out there Chore or Chore-less Peace and...HAIR PEACE!!  

No-poo "Cheater, Cheater" Update Peace

So I cheated. 

It's for the good of those around me though. 

So, I cheated, but, you're welcome. 

Almost one week after I started the "no-poo" method of washing my hair, my hair turned into a grease ball. I think it's because I put my hair up wet. But still. 

So today I washed my hair with Dr Bronner's Castile bar soap and rinsed with apple cider vinegar. 

My hair definitely feels cleaner after washing with the Castile soap. 

So here's my general thoughts about the "No Poo" method:

Likes:

1. Curlier hair

2. No chemicals 

3. I really like the apple cider vinegar rinse 

Dislikes:

1. The baking soda: It makes my hair feel like straw while I'm cleaning it but, ironically, doesn't feel clean after the fact. 

2. The greasy feeling my hair had after a week or so. And my hair is not naturally greasy. 

3. My hair is much fluffier. For someone with thin hair, this method might work very well! But I'm not okay with making the mane...fluffier. 

So, will I keep it up?? 

Sorta. 

There's a woman locally who makes her own shampoo bars from goats milk (that she milks herself) and honey (that she collects from her own bees). I may give those a try and continue to use the vinegar as a conditioner. 

But I might use shampoo too. 

You never know. 

I'm as unpredictable as the wind.

I know a lot of people have responded to my "No Poo" trial and I encourage you all to try it out for yourselves. Everyone's hair is so very different. It might be the shampoo answer for you! 

Give it a shot and let me know how it goes!!! 

Trailer Peace

We live in a trailer.

A bonafide double wide.

It's not even a fancy new one that might, sorta, not look like a trailer.

It's a through and through 1970's double wide trailer. 

Now, despite what you may be thinking, it wasn't always my dream to live in a trailer. 

In fact, I was originally against the idea. 

My husband and I had the opportunity to get a beautiful piece of land in a beautiful remote location and we took it! The thing about this land was that there was no house on it. Though we are fans of camping adventures, living in a tent wasn't really feasible. 

So we looked.

We looked at building plans, taking out loans, living in an RV, etc. We had so many options but one opportunity presented itself that was particularly uninteresting to me. A free double wide trailer a few miles down the road from our land. "If you can haul it, you can have it," is what we were told. 

My husband immediately said "Yes"

I did not so immediately say "Yes". 

We went to look at it and I started to warm up to the idea.

 It was free after all. 

Free and clear home. 

No mortgage. 

Now it started to look a little more appealing.

After a lot of hard labor from my husband and my in laws, we got the trailer split (not the easiest task!) and ready to haul. 

We moved the trailer to our land and, suddenly, it became home. 

We have updated here and there. But really, the house had been well kept and just needed some cleaning and personal touches. 

We have now had two babies in this home and it is just that...a home. 

Not a trailer. 

Not a house. 

A home. 

We are sheltered from winds and rain. Warm in the cold winters. And cool in the hot summers. 

We have delicious, hot meals at night, and a never ending supply of memories to make. 

Candles burn to create a sense of comfort but the true comfort is the love within the people in this home. 

It no longer matters to me what the exterior a home looks like, only the joy and love that saturate the interior. 

We have been brought up in our society to scorn specific types of homes, catagorizing them by size and shape, often neglecting the sweet families making it a home. 

We judge people all too much by the cars they drive, or the houses in which they live. When truthfully, our houses will one day fall away. Moth and rust will even eat the castles and the mansions. Our world is dilapidated and will continue to fall into ruin. 

I now love our home, not because of its classification, but because we have made it our own. 

Anytime I get the, "Woe is me, small house blues", I remind myself how thankful I am to have such a warm and protective home. 

Anytime my walls seem paper thin, I remind myself how much closer they bring me to my family. 

And anytime random things fall apart, I drop to the ground and take cover half expecting our house is going to sporadically implode!! 

Just kidding. 

Mostly...

I have to consciously remind myself to shrug off the stereotypes that our society instills in our heads and be thankful for the major blessings I have in this life. 

I encourage you all, no matter your house woes and troubles, to make a home within your house. Create a warm inviting place with a gentle and thankful spirit. 

Forget the shell of your house, a home is made by the people in it. 

Wishing everyone out there house peace and...Hair Peace.